Pride

If you are not checking yourself and your intentions pride can easily sneak into marriage. I think it is important to make sure we have a heart of peace in our marriage. That we are not handling our differences within marriage with a heart of war. When we have a heart of peace we are reflecting inward and thinking about how we can better ourselves our how we can view the situation better rather than putting blame on the other or that the other person is the problem and that they need to change. 

I think that the longer I have been married the better at this I have become. Don't get me wrong I still have a lot to learn. Early on in our marriage I caught myself getting frustrated by the little things my husband did that I didn't like. I would tell him I was frustrated with the way he did things. I viewed him as if he needed to change to make me happy. I caught myself doing this multiple times a day. I was prideful and thought HE needed to change. It took some reflection for me to realize that I needed to change. I was letting myself get upset with the smallest things and view him in that way. Once I decided to change the way I viewed him and the things he did, everything changed. I know longer let those things bother me and most of those small things he does are now on the long list of reasons why I love him.   

Even though I regret how I was treating him before I am grateful for this experience. I was able to learn from it and because of that I treat my husband better. If I ever do slip back into those thoughts when I am frustrated I am able to reflect and think what do I need to change rather then him.

Turning Towards Your Spouse

I believe little actions go a long way, especially in relationships. Gottman teaches that turning toward your spouse can help connect your relationship. I am 100% behind this principle! I think the key to turning towards your spouse is doing so with true intent and a soften heart. 

When I do things for my husband out of bitterness it builds tension in our relationship. When I do things for my husband with a service filled heart it makes me want to continue to do think for him because I love him. I am happy to do things because I know it makes him happy.

When he turns towards me it makes me feel so loved. I feel understood and heard when my husband does "the little things". It makes me feel as though he does really care to put effort into things he knows will make me happy. There is a show that I love and even though it is not my husband's favorite he watches it with my every week because he knows how much I love it. He shows interest and it makes me feel so valued. 

Turning towards your spouse is important no matter what stage in the relationship you are in. When you choice to acknowledge your partner it builds trust, emotional connection and passion. When choosing your partner it will help contribute to a long lasting relationship. There are going to be ups and downs in every relationship. Finding ways to turn towards each other will help better the relationship. During those rough times I think there are two key elements to help. 1. communication with your spouse. Share how you are feeling instead of holding it all in. Come up with ideas together of ways to unit your relationship. 2. Prayer. Pray for your relationship both together and separately. Ask the Lord for help and guidance. Come prepared with a softened heart. Ready to listen and learn.

My husband loves shooting. I love going with him and seeing how happy he is doing it!

Reflection

Having only been married just about a year I definitely don't know everything there is to know about marriage but I have learned so much. Our relationship has grown so much more than I thought it would.

When starting a marriage together there were so many little things to work out. We both were in school and working so we spent limited time together. Over time this began to effect our relationship. I was so exhausted by the end of the day that I just wanted to chill on the couch before heading to bed. This meant that we spent less and less time talking. As soon as we noticed that we were becoming more short and or irritated with each other we decided something needed to change.

Once we reflected on our relationship we realized that we do better when we take the time to show interest and hear about what the other has done throughout the day. We just needed to put more effort with true intent to our relationship. I have noticed that when we take advantage of our time together we are in a much better place in our relationship. Overtime this has become a natural habit that we do. When the other walks in the door we greet each other with a kiss and take time to talk and catch up after a busy day. Doing this helps the other person feel valued and heard. We also have made it a point to have date night once a week. This has also been fun for us to be creative together to come up with dates that are inexpensive. It's all about spending the time together and enjoying each other's company. 

Date night to the fair over summer 

I Married My Best Friend

I have a friend who told me that her relationship with her husband does better when they spend more time apart and that they need separate groups of people to hang out with. She sees it as more of distance from her husband makes the heart grow fonder.
After she told me this I was reflecting on my own relationship with my husband. I noticed that we do best when we spend time together. We spend a good amount of our time just hanging out with each other. We genuinely enjoy spending time together and if we are not spending time together it adds a strain to our marriage.
Now I'm not trying to say that what my friend does in her marriage is wrong but after reading and watching this weeks prep, it helps me understand my own marriage better.
Dr. Gottman describes that having a friendship in your marriage can help your marriage be strong and lasting. This got me thinking if my husband and I have a good friendship.
I know that our relationship isn't perfect and has its ups and downs, but when it is having our ups I can now recognize that some of that may have to do with the friendship we have created. We love and respect each other and treat the other how we want to be treated. We support and encourage each other.
When we are in the middle of a "down" in our marriage I notice that we are more focused on ourselves and acting in a selfish mindset. Instead of thinking about his needs and encouraging him I am thinking about myself. That is not how best friends treat each other.
Growing up, when my siblings and I would  be fighting my mom would always say, "Would you treat your best friend like that?" I think the same idea can be played into marriage.

My goofy bestfriend 

Creating a Covenant Marriage

I love what Elder Bruce C. Hafen, shared in his talk, "Covenant Marriage."

After reading this talk I am left with two questions. 1. What am I already doing to have a covenant marriage? 2. What can I do better to ensure that my marriage is a covenant marriage?

I was sealed to my sweetheart just over 9 months ago in the Sacramento, CA temple. That day was filled with so much love and many wonderful emotions. But Honestly, because I had so many emotions going into the sealing room, afterwords I couldn't really remember anything the sealer said. Did I feel good about what I just promised to my husband and to God? Yes, I had a great feeling but I couldn't remember any specific things the sealer said.

Feeling guilty about this I expressed how I felt to my husband on the drive home from the temple. He comforted me and told me "Well guess what? We get to keep going back. And each time we do sealings we get to hear the words of what we promised to each other today "

(OKAY first off can we just take a moment an appreciate how sweet he is! All heart eyes over here!)

But seriously how beautiful is that? We get to go back to the temple and help others become sealed to their sweethearts while hearing the same promises we made on our wedding day. This is something my husband and I try to do at least once a month. This is something that I have noticed has helped us have a covenant marriage. Life can get crazy but when we are in the temple focusing on what we promised each other 9 months ago my heart is full and still.

This goes along with remembering why we are married. We didn't get married just because we thought it was fun. We got married because we love each other and want to learn and go together. We got married because we want to send eternity together.

Something that I have noticed since being married is because I love my husband so much I am much faster to forgive and move on. We definitely have our challenges and fights but because of the love I have for him we forgive and make up. Honestly, most of the time I can't even remember what we were fighting about withing the next few hours or next day. The love I feel for him is different than any other love I have felt before. This helps me want to be a better person and want to forgive in our relationship.

What can I do better to have a covenant marriage?

I feel as though this starts with little things. We can have better intent when it comes to things like; praying, scripture study and church attendance. I have noticed that when we do these things well it helps create a better feeling in our marriage.

I can also look at the bigger picture when I am upset about something in the moment. Is it worth is to act out of frustration or anger? Should I cause contention in my relationship. When I slow down and think of the basics it helps me love my husband more and see him as someone I am learning and growing with rather than going against. I need to see him as Christ would.  

Coming out of the temple on our wedding day